We can only remember one instance in our high school years when we were presented with information about teen dating violence and domestic violence. Clearly, one moment in four years is far too little education on such an important topic. That being said, the presentation was powerful and stayed with us all of these years since.
As we read about the tragic murder of Kasandra Perkins by Jovan Belcher, we are brought right back to that moment in high school. While it is unclear why Belcher murdered Perkins, this example of intimate partner homicide transports us back to the seats of our high school auditorium.
It was a regular school day but we all filed into the auditorium. We don't remember knowing the subject of the assembly, but we remember quickly being captivated by the speaker. His story, and the intensity of his presentation, grabbed our attention. His name was Tom Santoro and he started Dear Lisa, an organization devotes to educating teens, parents, and teachers about dating violence and the different forms abuse can take.
He began speaking to students about domestic and dating violence after his daughter, Lisa, was murdered by her ex-boyfriend. She was a victim of intimate partner homicide. He shared with us her story. He also was one of the only people we can remember who broke down the different forms of abuse. The program had a lasting impact on us. It is not easy to really reach hundreds of high school students in one sitting. However, it was clear that what we were being told was important. In fact, it was because of his presentation that we were able to identify and respond, in some way, to a few of the unhealthy relationships that took place in our community of friends growing up.
Both of us were changed by Tom's presentation. We dearly wish we had received more education about healthy relationships, and we wish our Jewish community had been a part of that education. It is one of the fundamental reasons we began Reyut: to foster these conversations, raise awareness, and run programming in our community. So, as the country focuses on intimate partner violence and homicide, we're wondering why we don't talk about it more often!
Intimate partner violence (IPV) and homicide is a terrible reality of the world in which we currently live. According to the CDC, 24 people per minute are victims of rape, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner in the US and in 2007 intimate partner violence accounted for 14% of all homicides. Despite its frequency, we ignore this issue unless it is perpetrated by a celebrity or a celebrity is the victim. The media flurry around Belcher's murder of Perkins is the most recent example. Despite the persistence of the problem, the articles will stop soon, and we will go back to ignoring it. Intimate partner violence is an equal opportunity tragedy - it occurs no matter your age, no matter your income, no matter your sexual orientation.
As parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles, or older siblings we have an obligation to have a conversation with our family. As teachers we have an obligation to discuss this with our students. As clergy we have an obligation to address this issue in our congregations. As friends we have an obligation to look after and talk to our circles. We can do more to ensure our loved ones know about intimate partner violence and homicide. If we don't know about the problem, we can't do anything to prevent it. Let's make sure the conversation does not end with this week's news cycle.
For more information on intimate partner violence you can go to the CDC's page. If you feel you are in an unhealthy relationship, or fear that someone you care about is, please explore Love Is Respect, especially their information on safety planning. You can get in touch with them 24/7 to talk to someone and get help. If you are interested in having us run a program you can always reach out to us at reyutcampaign@gmail.com
-Ari and Sari-
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