Am I My Brother's Keeper?

It has been about a month since NFTY Convention 2013.  We at Reyut: The Jewish Campaign For Healthy Relationships hosted two workshops.  It was a wonderful experience and we were so happy we could foster these great conversations with youth in the Reform movement.

We were very excited when we heard the NFTY Study Theme was renewed for another year.  Once again Jewish youth will be exploring the question that sprang from Cain's mouth in Bereishit:

"?הֲשֹׁמֵ֥ר אָחִ֖י אָנֹֽכִי" "Am I My Brother's Keeper?"

We believe that when our society is ready to answer that question in the affirmative we will begin to create a culture of Active Bystanders.  That time cannot come soon enough.  The incidence of teen dating violence, intimate partner violence, and domestic violence boggles the mind. 

We focused both the sessions on the study theme, “Am I My Brother’s Keeper?” and our responsibility to intervene and act as peer leaders.  We encouraged the NFTYites to explore scenarios in which they witness a form of dating violence and to brainstorm whether or not they would intervene, and if so how they could do so safely?  We discussed the fact that violence need not mean physical violence.  We discussed the benefits of intervening before a line is crossed in a situation.  We acknowledged that it is uncomfortable to step in or to say to your friend that their behavior is problematic, but that as Jews we have an obligation to stand up for others, to challenge unhealthy behavior, and to intervene in order to prevent harm to another person.

We ended our programs discussing how NFTYites could bring these conversations and ideas home with them.  Active Bystanders are not created in 1 hour sessions.  However, we hope that over time we can begin to create a culture wherein we actively stand up to foster healthy relationships and challenge unhealthy behaviors, language, and mindsets.  The fact that 12.7 million people are physically abused, raped, or stalked in a year is intolerable.  It speaks to a fact that we have to make a cultural shift.  While education is an important first step, real change can only come from peer leaders willing to act as Active Bystanders.  We can work together to ensure our communities are truly sukkot shalom - shelters of peace.  The change begins with us.

What is an Active Bystander? (adapted from materials on the active  bystander approach created for military)

• Active bystanders take the initiative to help someone who may be targeted for violent or unhealthy behavior
• Active bystanders also take the initiative to help friends who aren't thinking clearly from becoming perpetrators of unhealthy behavior.
• Intervention doesn't mean that you only step in to stop a crime in progress; rather, these steps are "early intervention" — before a crime or unhealthy behavior begins.

There are three components to Active Bystander Intervention.

• Assess for safety. Ensure that all parties are safe, and assess whether the situation requires calling authorities. When deciding to intervene, your personal safety should be the #1 priority. When in doubt, call for help.
• Be with others. If safe to intervene, you're likely to have a greater influence on the parties involved when you work together with someone or several people. Your safety is increased when you stay with a group of friends who you know well.
• Care for the potential victim. Ask if they are okay.  Find way to get them out of the dangerous situation.

Active Bystander Intervention takes a number of forms (this list is not by any means exhaustive):

• Talking to a friend to ensure he or she is doing okay
• Making clear to friends that we wont tolerate sexist behavior or attitudes, even if they are "just jokes"
• Making up an excuse to help the friend get away from someone
• Calling the police
• Pointing out someone's disrespectful behavior in a safe and respectful manner that tends to de-escalate the situation
• Removing a friend from a risky situation quickly

 By creating a culture of active bystanders we can create a safer community.  By saying we are our brother's and sister's keeper we recognize that we have the power and ability to prevent violence.