Pesach Edition - Next Year May All Be Free!

פסח/Pesach is fast approaching.  Jews around the world will celebrate this festival wherein we recount the story of the Exodus.  We will recount how the Israelites' attained liberation from the bondage of Egypt.  We at Reyut want to use this post to share with you resources and texts you can use to enhance your Pesach observance.  We can all spread awareness about domestic violence and violence against women during this season.  We can name this modern day plague which rests, not on any one nation, but upon all. As we celebrate our freedom we are called upon to remember that the world is still broken, and that we are God's partners in the work of repair.  There are many in our communities who wait for redemption and freedom from violence, intimidation, control, and abuse. Some may even sit silently around our seder tables. At this season the words from the Pesach Kavanah found in Congregation Sha'ar Zahav's Siddur Sha'ar Zahav speaks to me:

"Neither the work nor the remembering will ever be finished in our lifespan; may we remember that liberation is not a destination but an ongoing labor of love. No one is free until all the bonds are cut.  May it be so, speedily, and soon, and let us say, next year in-  No, not next year.  Not anywhere else but right here, right now, everywhere and always." (pg. 377)

Below are some resources for homes, for congregations, for communities.

• Jewish Women International (JWI)'s Clergy Task Force has many creative prayers and blessings.  One is a dedication of a cup of wine meant to be used during the seder. Print the pdf and incorporate it into your seder. 
• Ritualwell is an online source of liturgical Jewish innovations.  It has this reading which adds to the Pesach seder as well.  The reading is from a full haggadah called A Journey Towards Freedom: A Haggadah for Women Who Have Experienced Domestic Violence.
• You can find the full haggadah here. 
• This reading is also an original piece from the same haggadah and responds to the traditional liturgical component Dayeinu.
• This reading also from the haggadah is meant to speak to the 4 questions section of the haggadah.
• The Religious Action Center (RAC) has this guide for incorporating issues of justice into one's Pesach observance.   Domestic Violence is one of several social justice issues discussed in the guide.

Am I My Brother's Keeper?

It has been about a month since NFTY Convention 2013.  We at Reyut: The Jewish Campaign For Healthy Relationships hosted two workshops.  It was a wonderful experience and we were so happy we could foster these great conversations with youth in the Reform movement.

We were very excited when we heard the NFTY Study Theme was renewed for another year.  Once again Jewish youth will be exploring the question that sprang from Cain's mouth in Bereishit:

"?הֲשֹׁמֵ֥ר אָחִ֖י אָנֹֽכִי" "Am I My Brother's Keeper?"

We believe that when our society is ready to answer that question in the affirmative we will begin to create a culture of Active Bystanders.  That time cannot come soon enough.  The incidence of teen dating violence, intimate partner violence, and domestic violence boggles the mind. 

We focused both the sessions on the study theme, “Am I My Brother’s Keeper?” and our responsibility to intervene and act as peer leaders.  We encouraged the NFTYites to explore scenarios in which they witness a form of dating violence and to brainstorm whether or not they would intervene, and if so how they could do so safely?  We discussed the fact that violence need not mean physical violence.  We discussed the benefits of intervening before a line is crossed in a situation.  We acknowledged that it is uncomfortable to step in or to say to your friend that their behavior is problematic, but that as Jews we have an obligation to stand up for others, to challenge unhealthy behavior, and to intervene in order to prevent harm to another person.

We ended our programs discussing how NFTYites could bring these conversations and ideas home with them.  Active Bystanders are not created in 1 hour sessions.  However, we hope that over time we can begin to create a culture wherein we actively stand up to foster healthy relationships and challenge unhealthy behaviors, language, and mindsets.  The fact that 12.7 million people are physically abused, raped, or stalked in a year is intolerable.  It speaks to a fact that we have to make a cultural shift.  While education is an important first step, real change can only come from peer leaders willing to act as Active Bystanders.  We can work together to ensure our communities are truly sukkot shalom - shelters of peace.  The change begins with us.

What is an Active Bystander? (adapted from materials on the active  bystander approach created for military)

• Active bystanders take the initiative to help someone who may be targeted for violent or unhealthy behavior
• Active bystanders also take the initiative to help friends who aren't thinking clearly from becoming perpetrators of unhealthy behavior.
• Intervention doesn't mean that you only step in to stop a crime in progress; rather, these steps are "early intervention" — before a crime or unhealthy behavior begins.

There are three components to Active Bystander Intervention.

• Assess for safety. Ensure that all parties are safe, and assess whether the situation requires calling authorities. When deciding to intervene, your personal safety should be the #1 priority. When in doubt, call for help.
• Be with others. If safe to intervene, you're likely to have a greater influence on the parties involved when you work together with someone or several people. Your safety is increased when you stay with a group of friends who you know well.
• Care for the potential victim. Ask if they are okay.  Find way to get them out of the dangerous situation.

Active Bystander Intervention takes a number of forms (this list is not by any means exhaustive):

• Talking to a friend to ensure he or she is doing okay
• Making clear to friends that we wont tolerate sexist behavior or attitudes, even if they are "just jokes"
• Making up an excuse to help the friend get away from someone
• Calling the police
• Pointing out someone's disrespectful behavior in a safe and respectful manner that tends to de-escalate the situation
• Removing a friend from a risky situation quickly

 By creating a culture of active bystanders we can create a safer community.  By saying we are our brother's and sister's keeper we recognize that we have the power and ability to prevent violence. 

Tim Gunn says NO MORE

Just when we thought we couldn't love Tim Gunn more than we already did...

 Project Runway host, Tim Gunn, is taking a stand against sexual assault and domestic violence by adding to the voices of the NO MORECampaign.  The NO MORE campaign is aimed at raising awareness about sexual assault and domestic violence and yesterday March 13th was NO MORE Day where the campaign was kicked off.  Like the breast cancer pink ribbon, this symbol represents the need to spread awareness around the issues of sexual assault and domestic violence. 

In Tim Gunn’s article in the huffington post he praised President Obama for signing into law the Violence Against Women Act Re-authorization.   However the sad reality is that a week later the two students from Stubenville, Ohio who are accused of raping an unconscious 16 year old girl have just started the trial.  Gunn speaks of the unconscionable acts of not only the offender but others watching and taking pictures and sharing on social media sites. Sexual assault and domestic violence do not go away after the signing of a bill, he says we need to do more, we need to change attitudes and behaviors across the nation.  We need to reduce the stigma around these issues and speak out and challenge our country to take this issue on like we take on other health issues, and only then can we end violence against women. 

“NO MORE challenges that assumption. I believe that by using the symbol repeatedly and widely, like any powerful brand , we can convey a powerful message: We all must play a critical role in preventing assault and abuse. On March 13 we are asking all Americans to take the time to:

KNOW MORE. Learn the signs of domestic violence and listen without judgment to the survivors of sexual assault. Get the facts and know the available resources.

Say NO MORE. Break the silence. Speak out. Seek help when you see this problem or harassment of any find in your family, your community, your workplace, or your school.

Share NO MORE. Share the NO MORE symbol with everyone you know. Facebook it. Tweet it. Pin it. Instagram it. Email it. Wear it. Help to increase awareness about the extent of domestic violence and sexual assault.

Ensure NO MORE. Get involved. Volunteer in your community, or donate to a local, state, or national domestic violence or sexual assault organization.

Visit nomore.org. Add your voice. Together, we can end domestic violence and sexual assault.”