We
have heard many stories in the media recently about the outcomes of teen dating
violence within relationships. However, what often fails to grab the
media's attention, are the long lasting effects of teen dating violence on
survivors after an abusive relationship has ended.
Last week, in the Boston Globe, there was an article entitled, "When Teen Dating Turns Dangerous.” What caught my eye was the tagline of
this article, "The scars
from abusive teen dating relationships can last into adulthood.”
The article did not focus on the dangers of what
can happen in an abusive relationship. Rather it looked at the long lasting effects on the
survivor. Too often we look
at teen relationships through the
lenses of sweet young love;
something full of naivete and
innocence. During a teen break-up we often say or think, “they’ll get
over it.” However Deinera Exner-Cortens, the lead
author of a recent study from Cornell University,
suggests we have to re-frame the way we think about a youth's early relationships. Based on
her study she comments: “A
teenager’s first romantic relationship plays a critical role in helping an
adolescent develop a sense of who he or she is — personally and sexually...If a
teen’s first intimate relationship is abusive, it may skew what his or her view
of what a healthy relationship looks like.”
These comments help us (adults,
teachers, youth workers, clergy, parents, anyone invested in the health of a
young person) see the importance of talking to
our youth early on about dating violence and sexual violence. We often
worry that our youth are "too young" to be exposed to these
issues. However, perhaps we need to ask if we are reaching out to our
youth too late, rather than too early. Moreover, for some, a conversation
with youth about healthy relationships, is never on their radar. The
article sites another study that demonstrates that parents feel a duty to talk
to their children about alcohol and safe sex, but dating violence rarely makes
the list.
These studies demonstrate the need to talk to our
teens about dating violence and sexual violence, because we KNOW that failing to do so could have
impacts on their long-term health. As we stated, it is not just parents
who can initiate these critical conversations. It is
our duty as aunts, uncles, cousins, teachers,
NFTY Advisors, Youth Group Advisors, Clergy, youth mentors, summer camp staff,
etc to engage our youth in these
conversations. Someone said it takes a village to raise a child. If
we feel a responsibility to our youth, we must be proactive about healthy
relationship education. We
must have this conversation early
enough to make a difference.
April is Sexual Assault Awareness
Month. Let's take this month to ask ourselves if we have had this
conversation with the youth in our community. If we haven't, it is time
to rectify the situation. It can be as formal as a program or a sermon,
and as informal as a quiet conversation in the mini-van to Hebrew School or
after dinner. It is so important for us to educate the teens in our life about dating
violence and sexual violence. It can be a tough conversation. Sometimes we
may be embarrassed to engage. Sometimes we don't have the words. Sometimes it is hard to stop thinking of them as children. No matter what may prevents us, we owe it to them to start the
conversation.
Read a recent blog by JWI's Deborah Rosenbloom in the Huffington Post called, Time To Talk Seriously about Sexual Violence on Campus, that highlights some ways to start the conversation with your children about sexual violence. For
ideas on how to start the conversation about dating violence click here.
Sari, this article is FANTASTIC. Thank you for writing it. I already passed it on to several people. It raises a lot of questions.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Amy! So glad you are passing it on to others!
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